The sky was pitch black beneath the three-quarter moon from a low hanging overcast. I think the moonlight only peeped through once by the 0230 turnover at the end of my watch. Winds were a pleasant 16 knots gusting to 23 - straight off of the beam along with the swell. Not ideal. We turned the engine on for speed through the rough chop and had the main down. The mizzen was still full, and the jib out just enough to help stabilize the bow. A course that approximated West gave us a 20-30 degree angle on the swell, but the occasional surge in wind would bring the next roller crashing over the starboard beam. Salty was not a term, but a reality. When the winds were steady we were motor-sailing 5.5 knots, and we were running 6+ with the engine not biting anytime there was a gust. We were alone and it was it was the roughest weather I have seen to date, but am sure will not be the roughest of the future.
The feelings you experience in this situation are nothing compared to those of off-shore sailing. This made the worst weather to Catalina seem like a kid splashing in a bathtub. All of your fears revisit you, and you face them down. All of the doubts that you had started harboring as you grew over the years must be revisited and released. It is you, on an insignificant little cork (as far as the vast ocean cares) bobbing at some meeting of the forces of nature and your abilities (innate and learned). Never have I let go of past blemishes so simply and easily...a true mental cleansing. Everything looks brighter, smells better and nothing compares to the scent of salt permeating everything I own. I love it.
And, the best part? Well, Poseidon in his normal happy, concern-free state is already there. As long as we keep sailing like this as he grows, there will never be a place for doubts and frivolous concerns to take root. Perhaps innocence can be maintained through a life; and perhaps that same spark can be regained if you choose.
Posit: 30 09.187N 120 15.911W
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